just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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