Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
