So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if only i could text you this smell
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
