Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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