I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
