you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
