all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
