Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
