he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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