I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
