Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
