Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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