I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
