if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
