shes about as inviting as chlamydia
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
