i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
