we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
