ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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