One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How external is "for external use only"?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
