Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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