you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
