i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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