My hair reeks of homosexuality.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
