Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
