Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
