he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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