my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
