Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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