Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
