well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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