Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
