but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
