he thought i was a dude.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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