I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
