proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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