Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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