my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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