Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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