It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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