how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we're so committed to being not committed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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