Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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