I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
