I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
