Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
