all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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