my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
