He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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