dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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