Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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