batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
