So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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