State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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