Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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