K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
