Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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