Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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