There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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