girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
