what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
