1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
