Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
