too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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