I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
