That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
