is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
