after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
