How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
