White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
