Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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