uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
