it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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