wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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