just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
