True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
