I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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