Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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