dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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